15. Addio ai monti/Farewell to the mountains

«Addio, monti sorgenti dall’acque, ed elevati al cielo; cime inuguali, note a chi è cresciuto tra voi, e impresse nella sua mente, non meno che lo sia l’aspetto de’ suoi più familiari; torrenti, de’ quali distingue lo scroscio, come il suono delle voci domestiche; ville sparse e biancheggianti sul pendìo, come branchi di pecore pascenti; addio! Quanto è tristo il passo di chi, cresciuto tra voi, se ne allontana! Alla fantasia di quello stesso che se ne parte volontariamente, tratto dalla speranza di fare altrove fortuna, si disabbelliscono, in quel momento, i sogni della ricchezza; egli si maraviglia d’essersi potuto risolvere, e tornerebbe allora indietro, se non pensasse che, un giorno, tornerà dovizioso. Quanto più si avanza nel piano, il suo occhio si ritira, disgustato e stanco, da quell’ampiezza uniforme; l’aria gli par gravosa e morta; s’inoltra mesto e disattento nelle città tumultuose; le case aggiunte a case, le strade che sboccano nelle strade, pare che gli levino il respiro; e davanti agli edifizi ammirati dallo straniero, pensa, con desiderio inquieto, al campicello del suo paese, alla casuccia a cui ha già messo gli occhi addosso, da gran tempo, e che comprerà, tornando ricco a’ suoi monti.Ma chi non aveva mai spinto al di là di quelli neppure un desiderio fuggitivo, chi aveva composti in essi tutti i disegni dell’avvenire, e n’è sbalzato lontano, da una forza perversa! Chi, staccato a un tempo dalle più care abitudini, e disturbato nelle più care speranze, lascia que’ monti, per avviarsi in traccia di sconosciuti che non ha mai desiderato di conoscere, e non può con l’immaginazione arrivare a un momento stabilito per il ritorno! Addio, casa natìa, dove, sedendo, con un pensiero occulto, s’imparò a distinguere dal rumore de’ passi comuni il rumore d’un passo aspettato con un misterioso timore. Addio, casa ancora straniera, casa sogguardata tante volte alla sfuggita, passando, e non senza rossore; nella quale la mente si figurava un soggiorno tranquillo e perpetuo di sposa. Addio, chiesa, dove l’animo tornò tante volte sereno, cantando le lodi del Signore; dov’era promesso, preparato un rito; dove il sospiro segreto del cuore doveva essere solennemente benedetto, e l’amore venir comandato, e chiamarsi santo; addio! Chi dava a voi tanta giocondità è per tutto; e non turba mai la gioia de’ suoi figli, se non per prepararne loro una più certa e più grande.»

Alessandro Manzoni, I Promessi Sposi

I leave Muqdisho with the sense of having found a home – not a home to retire to, but one to live in and witness the growth of. I leave while I am still immensely craving for it – but I know that I might regret not leaving while I can, since the political unrest in the city is increasingly tangible.
May Allah protect this land and its people.
Aamiin.

12. jack of all trades, master of none?

It’s strange how things I’ve heard, read or watched ages ago suddenly start making sense at random moments in my life. Proverbs that my mother used to say when I was younger – walaalka haduu macyahay lama muudsado – gain meaning as I grow up. Passages from books and poems I read as a teenager spring to my mind because of something I’m experiencing, and I realise I can relate to them in a way I couldn’t before.

Recently I’ve been internally debating between climbing the social/professional ladder vs. taking it easy and exploring my other passions in life while I’m still young. I realised I am pretty adamant about not looking back one day only to realise my life has been a series of unfulfilled potentials – or to say it with Thoreau’s words: “and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived”.
Like many, I’d rather have a bunch of failures on my belt than regrets, but it’s easier said than done, especially during the pandemic.

As I was considering this, I remembered a conversation from Terrace House 2019-2020 that I suddenly could relate to.
It was between Shohei and Haruka and the topic was quite similar to my line of thought. Shohei expressed having many passions and talents and not wanting to focus on one career only but on achieving his potential in several fields. I related to him when he said: “I feel trapped when I think of working in one field forever”. Haruka thought the opposite, saying: “I think it’s detrimental to identify as undecided to strangers. You risk coming across as wishy-washy”. Her critique stemmed from knowing how difficult it is in the Japanese society to embrace or accept Shohei’s attitude, as the standard there is working hard to achieve your one true vocation/career while the opposite is seen as lacking focus and determination.

The first time I heard this dialogue I related more with Haruka – maybe because I was still quite new at my job and I had the desire to excel at it. Now, a year later, Shohei’s side makes so much more sense to me and I find myself thinking that life would be too boring if I only focused on one thing.
Architecture? Project Management? It’s all fun and exciting, but why would I limit myself to that only? There is so much more I am interested in, writing, drawing, reading, travelling. I’d like to write a book, but I’ve always been focused on achieving one thing or another – school, moving away from home, finding a new job, reaching the role I wanted. And now? Time is ticking and before I know it I’ll be too old to take risks.
I should do more of what I enjoy, and take all the necessary time off work to focus on those things that give me pleasure and fulfillment.

Maybe I suddenly got reminded of this because it’s time to take action. Maybe the question is not what to do, but how and when I should do it.

6. 2021 goals

I’ve written New Year resolutions every year since I can remember.
Do you know what’s the only year I didn’t write any? 2020. Do you know how it went? Magnificently. Did I write New Years resolutions this year? Yes – but only one: to welcome every day with an open mind and be ready to grasp every single chance I get to improve myself and my life.
I hope I can come back to this post next year and think: indeed, the best plans are the ones left in the hands of the Best of Planners.
P.S. My 2021 started in Borame, Somaliland, surrounded by the most beautiful landscape I have seen in a long time. I think reading “Where the Crawdads sing” before returning to the motherland was the best thing I ever did – it’s like I involuntarily prepped my mind to be in tune with the land and nature. Epic.