♫ Listening to:“Redemption song” by Bob Marley ☺ Mood: thoughtful
✉ Reading: “The Great Gatsby”, by Scott Fizgerald
There are various sources of confusion in life, but the main one comes from our relationship with others. The indecision, the mixed-signals, the pride, the incapability of avoiding drama, the fear of change and rejection, the undying hope that others will magically figure out what goes through our mind and deal with it without any further explanation needed.
The thing is, I love explanations.
I love when situations are voiced and problems are solved in a mature way.
I enjoying growing up and I apprecciate the time I spend with others much better when they also opt for the less complicated way of living – one that gives less room to confusion and more to clarity.
Drama is not bad, indecision is not a sin and hoping people will understand you better than your own self isn’t completely beyond comprehension, but wouldn’t it be much better to just engage in an honest confrontation?
I think so, and thus I pray for clarity in my sujud, because confusion makes me feel helpless and misunderstood and I’m sure my days will have a better quality if I stop spending half my time trying to figure out what people “mean”.
I don’t want to interpret what they mean.
I want to be told with clear words.
Otherwise, I refuse to understand.
♫ Listening to:“Rainymood”, my study-sessions’ soundtrack. ☺ Mood: still working hard for better days, a bit antsy now though.
✉ Reading: my notes, over and over again. That’s reviewing for you.
☡ Desclaimer Sabr is an arabic word whose root means to bind, tie or restrain. It is an islamic virtue that is often translated into “patience”, “endurance”, “perseverance” and “persistence”. (Wikipedia)
Sabr is the truest when it’s your first reaction to trouble and tribulation. The more it is delayed, the less calming is the effect it has on your soul. It shouldn’t come after you’re done getting mad and complaining, it should come instead of that, and make you think “hey, it’s not a big deal, things are better this way, alhamdulillah (thank God)”. And when you let go of the things that hold you back, that’s when you’re able to move on and accept the better things that Allah has ready for you. An attachment that doesn’t let you walk away is always, always unhealthy, even when it really doesn’t bring any apparent harm. Knowing you could have to sabr for anything on this world and that nothing is essential to your existence except for Allah is what makes your connection with people and objects really healthy and durable.
But then, sometimes your sabr depens on someone else’s. Sometimes you’d like to make sabr and let your heart un-swell, but to forgive your own mistakes, you first need to be forgiven. What then?